Friday, 25 April 2008

Mr Spock's Pigeon

This post has a bird theme all the way through and might earn me some flack.

I have had a day of total capers and joyous, electric delight! Okay, I nearly crashed twice but one accepts these things.

Today I delivered a BBQ down to the far end of Devon where we have a store. The BBQ was huge and I had to take a van to do the job. Loading the beast was a lark. I had to retrieve it from our restaurant, wherein I really fancy the deputy manager. Whenever I meet her I am robbed of words and the ability to construct an articulate sentence, and I am sure she sees it a mile off! She is a little older than me and married, so in fairness I should not really even think about flirting but I do fancy her; she is kind and pretty with fabulous hips and lovely eyes! Anyhow, today I monosyllabicly conducted myself through the kitchen, recalling only the LFLs for her WTD, MTD and YTD, and not grasping any actual conversation, and I retrieved the large BBQ to be delivered. I had ramps for my van and wellied the BBQ in and strapped it into place. I did this parked up by the office to much flack and comment that most van drivers don't turn up in Austin Reed pin stripes with a lilac tie and matching pocket hanky!

Off I went, heading for the M5, and tanking along at 50 I drove right into a pigeon. It was very odd. There it was a second before, this whole, startled panicking bird. There it was a second later: dead, splattered, wider, and utterly, utterly liquid on the front of my van! I think the beast must have flown to Congresbury via Vulcan, and been a pet belonging to Mr Spock. When it exploded all over my screen it was a sea of GREEN! Fancy a pigeon being Green; definitely a Vulcan. It took no time at all to go from alive to dead and I was quite sad.

Much screen wash and M5 mileage later I got to the store. As I parked up my brain kicked in and to be frank I had an effortlessly rewarding day. Away from my desk and phone I had the space and freedom to simply see the direction for a couple of projects I manage; three presentations to all sorts of folk wrote themselves in my mind in about forty minutes. They are saved in my noggin and I will just write them on Monday, practice them on Tuesday, deliver them on Wednesday (audience of 12, I think) and see them through by the end of May. It was my most productive day in nine months of work; 30 minutes' chat with three capable people contributed loads of good retail that I will see through. As a customer you would notice none of it whatsoever, but that is entirely the point.

I wish I hadn't killed Mr Spock's pigeon doing it.


Suburbia said...

I am dressed in black. Piano Sonata No.2 (Chopin) is playing (very slowly) in the back ground. I feel I can not make a joke due to the seriousness of mourning here at BS5 tonight (typed in a very slow and dignified way)

Suburbia said...

Actually that is the most I've laughed in ages! I practically exploded onto my screen, having tried to 'keep it in' because Husband is reading close by and gets a bit 'huffy' with the blogging thing!!!
So that's what is inside a pigeon, lots of green! Yuck. It made the most fantastic post though.
Oh and that woman you mentioned....she probably hasn't noticed your tongtiedness. We're really bad at noticing those sorts of things on the whole........Hips and eyes,lots going for her then?!
Don't forget your date on Monday though.

Sounds a great day. Have and equally good weekend

BS5 Blogger said...


The restaurant woman also becomes quiet, because foxy and confidently married as she might be, she only ever sees me in deeply, deeply serious 'Very, very tall head office work person in a suit and tie with complete recall of trading position, must be asking a proper question' stylee, so she is quite formal.

Once in a while though, I just relax, smile, think **wow!** and say 'good morning - how was your weekend?' , and then she's all smiles and garrulous, lovely chat!

I like that you laughed!

Monday date the essence of platonics!

Tell H I said hello and he should Blog too!